Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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