shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
