I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
