if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
