I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize