do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
