i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
