Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
