Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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