This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
