So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
