It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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