you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Boobs are out for the taking
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
