It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
