I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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