i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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