life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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