totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
