He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
