batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
