Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
did i walk over a car last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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