I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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