Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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