you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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