i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Alive.
So much puke
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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