her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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