we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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