you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
