I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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