considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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