I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize