last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
