I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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