Cold hands, warm shart.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
