He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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