oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
