I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
