Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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