One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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