M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize