she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
