'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
