My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
