You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
