You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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