Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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