Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
