Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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