Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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