I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
