If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
