I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
