Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My balls are so social today.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
