South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
