if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
