i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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