I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
