Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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