Your favorite bartender is back from prision
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
