How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Im part way to drunk.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
