Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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