i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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