How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
