I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
