she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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