somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
