I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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