I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
