You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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