we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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