i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
