I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
