See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
