I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just pee around me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
