I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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