Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
